Okay it is 3:30 am...still up. Watched the movie Hachi a dogs tail. It is about a very loyal dog, who had an old owner and he died of a heart-attack and everyday for 10 years he waited for his owner to return from work at the train station,until he too died. Talk about being loyal and dedication.
Anyway, I love dogs because of how loyal they are. I guess in a way too loyal for a person. It has been (what feels like eternity...almost a week..) since my mother broke my boyfriend and I up. He said he still wanted me...he said he would wait for me. He cried and was sad for...3 days....he got over it. He is posting happy stuff about this new wonderful life on facebook, while I am still here balling my eyes out wishing for one more hug or kiss. Still waiting up, like as if he'd text me like he use to that he was getting out of work. Its so hard to even sleep, I keep waking up during the night tossing and turning, crying...thinking of him. I've got a new guy friend that is texting me now...but its not the same...I want Daniel. I don't care how many fish in the sea there are....I want that fish back -.-!! I thought the pain was suppose to get better?!???? It just is getting worse.
I went out and did some speed racing...I want to start to be daring, join more speed races, get my license and live wild. The rush...helps my pain. You see...I've never lost anyone before...not in death nor as friends as far as being this close and its worse knowing my mom broke us apart. I need to go to cedar point. Is this reckless feeling normal??
Sleeping is my escape from the pain. I guess its really over...a year and its over. Thats so hard...My first boyfriend, my first love. He has been my whole life...I guess now I got to find a new life... I wen't to community college today. I go wendsday to talk to the counsler...I sent in application...I want to major in Music. I am signing up for voice lessons and then I also want to take courses to major in Journalism too, so if singing fails me I can always travel and write stories for newspapers or tv. I'm waiting on my school to send me my diploma, then I am getting plane ticket to Tampa FL, going to spend a few weeks there with my best friend...Then Im going to Nashville for songwriters camp. Lets see...I learned spanish this week...got caught up in the newest movies...lost 12 pounds...
Do me a favor guys...If i ever fall for another guy, particuarlly another 20 year old guy.... please talk me out of it!!!! Even at 20, they are so immature and heartbreaking.
So, I say...Stick to dogs for love and friendship. They are loyal, they don't leave you crying unless they die. So I guess you guys can welcome me back. I am coming back, a much older and wiser person.